Feeling So Much Better

I don't mind that Brandon decided to stop being my friend anymore. I still don't want to see him, though. I swear he drove past my house this morning while I was out on the porch with Dad, and I had a feeling he would...but I didn't look at him. He had someone in the car with him anyway. Dad was like, "He should've honked." I said, "No, Dad, he shouldn't've. If we're not going to be friends anymore, then he should make it to where I don't exist....acknowledging my existence would be a bad idea." Also, even if he had, I would have ignored him. I could still be angry about it, but I don't want to. It's a waste of life, and I don't have to feel bad because of him. I found the necklace he let me borrow....I want to give it back, but....I'm not sure how...maybe I'll send it back with Shaun after we're done at the movies. Brandon is surprisingly cool with us going. I didn't think he would be...I keep thinking he's mad at me and doesn't want me to spend any time with Shaun, because Shaun is more his friend than mine. But I won't be having any of that bullshit. Shaun is my friend, too, and Brandon is not Shaun's master. I do wonder, though, why Brandon had to stop being my friend altogether. I mean, really. I'm leaving soon enough. Why not just hang out the last few chances we get? It would have made hanging out with Shaun easier for me, too. Now I feel kind of like...a....uh...hmm.....oh, a friend thief. But I'm not. This isn't what I wanted. I'm not trying to get back at Brandon for anything. Sometimes I think about some of the things he told me, though....

I asked him if he would regard me in the same way he did all his other exes when he finds himself a new girl....
He told me no, he would tell her that I was a great and special person in his life and that he had really liked me.
My prediction...no he won't....he'll probably tell her everything that was wrong with me...

I asked him if he would always love me, even though we're no longer together.
He said yes...
My prediction.....just to appease me. I don't think he will, seeing as I'm pretty damn sure he doesn't at all right now.

I decided to get back with Tyler. He was my boyfriend before Brandon was, and I stupidly allowed myself to let Brandon win me over...I never officially broke up with Tyler before I went and spent all my time with Brandon. Gawd I feel terrible about that. I apologized profusely to Tyler who didn't even seem that worried about it. He just forgave me for everything right in that instant. Tyler told me that he believes love is something that is eternal, and that if somebody says they love someone, it'll either be forever, or they don't really mean it. I kinda agree, kinda don't. I believe that love is something that can fade and/or wither away...that people can fall out of love. I believe that people can deceive themselves with a feeling that they think is love, but in reality it's nothing more than infatuation or "strong like"...and that one day they will realize their true feelings and be forced to back out of their relationship. I think this is what happened to Brandon. Obviously I wasn't a perfect match for him anyway, but it seemed he was trying to convince himself that none of that mattered, and the "love" he felt for me was strong enough to overcome that vast obstacle. I don't know what he's looking for, but I hope he finds it....I also hope he gets his heart broken just one last time, and then we'll be cool. Lol, I'm totally kidding about that! ^___^ (I bet you thought I was serious, though.) No, Brandon deserves his happiness, as do I. The only thing I curse is my excellent memory. I really don't want to remember him anymore...but hey...as the years pass, maybe I won't. I just have to hope that no one says or does anything that reminds me of him. I should probably tell Shaun to type "Indy" instead of "Indi" when I instant message him. Gawd, I hate it spelled that way. Brandon came up with it and outright refused to change the spelling even when I told him I didn't like it. I have never had it spelled with two "i's" ...what a damn fool. But anyway...yeah. 

I'm so glad to be moving away from Fallon and on with my life. Every person between the ages of 12 and 25 (possibly even a little older) wishes to go live somewhere, anywhere, besides Fallon (with the exception of living in a place that's either worse than Fallon, or it's different-state equivalent). I am no exception. Yes, I love it here in Fallon. It's really not a bad place to be. But I do prefer big cities. I'm so glad I decided to join the Army, even going against all my previous dispositions about the military in general. I can't wait to see what new friends I make, and where I'll live and get to travel, and how many guys I go through until I finally find the one that's right for me (Lol, another joke, people. No one looks forward to their impending breakups). The future looks bright.