I Hate My Friends... v____v

Not completely. But I am quite pissed. This is turning out to be a totally not fun summer. I mean, yeah, I've done a few fun things, but it's not nearly enough. I can list them all right here:

• Went swimming a couple times with Tyler
• Went to the carnival with Tyler

And I believe that's it. I missed the parade AND the fireworks last night!
Also, my friends in Virginia barely text me!
And to top it all off, for the second week in a row, now, I have only been given ONE LOUSY DAY OF WORK! Don't they realize how negatively that's going to affect my paycheck?! Obviously they do, but why don't they care?! Just because I'm only working part time, doesn't mean I don't need money!
I'm going to talk to someone about it, see if I can bargain with them...I don't want to get switched to full time, but with the way things are going now, I'm sure nobody would miss the time not spent with me. They don't seem to have time for me, so I won't have time for them. But gawd....the overtime hours are ridiculous....not looking forward to that if I actually DO end up doing that.....what if they won't even let me? Positive thinking, Indigo...positive thinking.

It's sad that Tyler seems to be the only friend I have right now (I can't get a hold of Cyclops by phone...and thusly can't get ahold of him at all). Kristina wants us to hang out more...I know I should but...I don't know, she wanders around a lot, and I don't particularly like following people around. But she went to see Eclipse and Tyler hates the Twilight saga, and Brandon is out of the picture, and I told her I wanted to take her to see it my first time. Hopefully today if she's not busy. If she is, I'm totally going by myself, even if that's lame. And it's not like everyone else just abandoned me....we just stopped talking, and we don't see each other. I suppose it's mostly my fault for not making more friends and scoring more phone numbers, but I'm just a really picky person: I'm picky about food, clothes, friends/people I talk to, books, music, movies, etc. I don't really consider it a problem, though.
Well I don't expect anyone to read this since it's just a long, ranting complaint about how my life is a little suckish at the moment. It's not even a big deal. I'll just stop talking to everyone and let them come to me if they want to, with the exception of Jazz.

Feeling So Much Better

I don't mind that Brandon decided to stop being my friend anymore. I still don't want to see him, though. I swear he drove past my house this morning while I was out on the porch with Dad, and I had a feeling he would...but I didn't look at him. He had someone in the car with him anyway. Dad was like, "He should've honked." I said, "No, Dad, he shouldn't've. If we're not going to be friends anymore, then he should make it to where I don't exist....acknowledging my existence would be a bad idea." Also, even if he had, I would have ignored him. I could still be angry about it, but I don't want to. It's a waste of life, and I don't have to feel bad because of him. I found the necklace he let me borrow....I want to give it back, but....I'm not sure how...maybe I'll send it back with Shaun after we're done at the movies. Brandon is surprisingly cool with us going. I didn't think he would be...I keep thinking he's mad at me and doesn't want me to spend any time with Shaun, because Shaun is more his friend than mine. But I won't be having any of that bullshit. Shaun is my friend, too, and Brandon is not Shaun's master. I do wonder, though, why Brandon had to stop being my friend altogether. I mean, really. I'm leaving soon enough. Why not just hang out the last few chances we get? It would have made hanging out with Shaun easier for me, too. Now I feel kind of like...a....uh...hmm.....oh, a friend thief. But I'm not. This isn't what I wanted. I'm not trying to get back at Brandon for anything. Sometimes I think about some of the things he told me, though....

I asked him if he would regard me in the same way he did all his other exes when he finds himself a new girl....
He told me no, he would tell her that I was a great and special person in his life and that he had really liked me.
My prediction...no he won't....he'll probably tell her everything that was wrong with me...

I asked him if he would always love me, even though we're no longer together.
He said yes...
My prediction.....just to appease me. I don't think he will, seeing as I'm pretty damn sure he doesn't at all right now.

I decided to get back with Tyler. He was my boyfriend before Brandon was, and I stupidly allowed myself to let Brandon win me over...I never officially broke up with Tyler before I went and spent all my time with Brandon. Gawd I feel terrible about that. I apologized profusely to Tyler who didn't even seem that worried about it. He just forgave me for everything right in that instant. Tyler told me that he believes love is something that is eternal, and that if somebody says they love someone, it'll either be forever, or they don't really mean it. I kinda agree, kinda don't. I believe that love is something that can fade and/or wither away...that people can fall out of love. I believe that people can deceive themselves with a feeling that they think is love, but in reality it's nothing more than infatuation or "strong like"...and that one day they will realize their true feelings and be forced to back out of their relationship. I think this is what happened to Brandon. Obviously I wasn't a perfect match for him anyway, but it seemed he was trying to convince himself that none of that mattered, and the "love" he felt for me was strong enough to overcome that vast obstacle. I don't know what he's looking for, but I hope he finds it....I also hope he gets his heart broken just one last time, and then we'll be cool. Lol, I'm totally kidding about that! ^___^ (I bet you thought I was serious, though.) No, Brandon deserves his happiness, as do I. The only thing I curse is my excellent memory. I really don't want to remember him anymore...but hey...as the years pass, maybe I won't. I just have to hope that no one says or does anything that reminds me of him. I should probably tell Shaun to type "Indy" instead of "Indi" when I instant message him. Gawd, I hate it spelled that way. Brandon came up with it and outright refused to change the spelling even when I told him I didn't like it. I have never had it spelled with two "i's" ...what a damn fool. But anyway...yeah. 

I'm so glad to be moving away from Fallon and on with my life. Every person between the ages of 12 and 25 (possibly even a little older) wishes to go live somewhere, anywhere, besides Fallon (with the exception of living in a place that's either worse than Fallon, or it's different-state equivalent). I am no exception. Yes, I love it here in Fallon. It's really not a bad place to be. But I do prefer big cities. I'm so glad I decided to join the Army, even going against all my previous dispositions about the military in general. I can't wait to see what new friends I make, and where I'll live and get to travel, and how many guys I go through until I finally find the one that's right for me (Lol, another joke, people. No one looks forward to their impending breakups). The future looks bright.

What Do You See In The Future?

Not necessarily your future, but the future of the world technologically speaking. Whenever I watch Artificial Intelligence, I start to worry that the things they portray in the movie are the things they really hope to accomplish. I don't believe in the concept of robots or otherwise making a machine that will do anything for you...I believe in the concept of working to gain something. I mean, do people really think that life can be so easy? Something would have to go wrong sooner or later. And we already have it easy enough. I'm getting sick of new phone commercials....I mean, yes...the stuff they have is cool, and it's amazing they found out how to advance their technology so well...I will even go so far as to say it would be cool to have one...I know that these businesses are only doing this to make a ton of money, but I think they should draw the line somewhere. Unfortunately, I guess that's impossible, considering the fact that if they stopped coming out with all new sorts of upgrades, they would lose business. One thing that has really pissed me off is this one car....I...I can't remember the name, but I wanna say Nexus or something...oh well. Anyway, I saw this commercial for one that could start simply by pressing a button and not using a key...how stupid. That would enable anyone to steal your car without much hassle, that's for sure. I don't care if it has the loudest alarm in the world. Smash the window, drive away. I'm sure the alarm would have an easy button to shut it off as well. But theft isn't really the thing that made me mad...it's how they're just making EVERYTHING simpler! What the hell is wrong with having to make a few short, simple hand motions in order to get what you want? Stick key in slot. Turn. Grab wheel. Drive. But noooo...just push this here button and all your problems will be solved!  Other attributes it has are things like an inside phone thing, and a touchscreen that can play all your favorite songs....this isn't so bad, really...except for the phone thing...I mean, it's cool...but when you drive it's best not to get distracted with something like a phone call. That's why I get angry when I see people driving and talking on their cell phones...these people are not being safe. But apparently it's not illegal here because I've seen cops doing it. And robots....well the Japanese are still working on one...that I know of....trying to perfect one that can hold up an actual conversation with someone besides just simple things like, "Hello, how are you doing?" and such like that....what would be the use? So it could be like I. Robot where they can be slaves to our every whim? I'm not looking forward to it, but fortunately I don't believe they will ever achieve this goal. I don't think they'll have the time. We'll see, I guess.

Strange Dreaming 3

This dream was pretty neat.
I dreamt of this boy and this girl, they were friends and were in high school together. The dream starts in the middle of the school year for the boy and the girl. The girl had always had locker #52, but for some strange reason, the boy was sent to tell the girl that her locker had been moved to locker #51.
This was extremely strange because locker #51 had always been 'Nobody's Locker.' No one ever got assigned that locker, and, no one could open it, for the key was lost. (Yeah...instead of padlocks and such, they had keys) The girl happened to have a really adventurous spirit and decided to find the key to the locker and clear up the mystery that had shrouded the locker for years. Though I can't remember much about the quest to find the key, they did find it in the school somewhere...I think in a secret box in the principal's office while he wasn't there. So they go back to the locker and open it up, and inside is a dark, hard-cover book with old Gothic designs on it, but no title.
The girl grabs the book and runs to tell her homeroom teacher about it, but to her dismay, the teacher was shocked that the girl had done such a thing. It seemed that all the staff in the school who had been working there for several years knew that there was something dark and secret about locker #51, even if they didn't know quite what. The girl was always impatient and demanding when people hid things from her, and with that, she opened the book in the middle and began to read....strangely enough she was reading her own thoughts and spoken words on paper...and the words kept forming as she went along. She then turned to the very beginning....all of her past was there as she kept flipping the pages. Her fear was beginning to grow, but she couldn't find words to describe it. It was then that the teacher began to speak. She told the girl that the book was nothing more than a powerful curse that had been there long, LONG before the school had, and locker #51 was the only place they could store the book because it could not be moved from the spot in which it was found. The book had the ability to tell of the past and record the events of the present, and also tell the future. The catch was that the pages toward the end of the book were always blank, for if anyone dared go looking for, and remove the book, they would no longer have a future, though the exact date of their death was also hidden from them. It was also said that even if the book was placed back, the curse would still be upon them....and so....even though I didn't get to dream that far, it is fair to say that the girl died.
I know it probably just sounds like a silly story, but I actually dreamt this. All my dreams are weird, and a lot like movies. It's cool.

Ah, The Neglect

Ha ha ha. It seems I hardly ever write anymore. I have a lot of things that I could be writing about, and yet, I feel afraid to say all the things I want to say because there's someone who may or may not still read this...and I don't want to risk it. Well actually...maybe it's safe now. Yeah. I should think so.
My sisters came down from Virginia to be there for my graduation. I was happy about that. They left early this morning....the exact time my alarm clock went off, oddly enough. I'm happy to be graduated, and move on to be a chef in the Army. I'm getting everything taken care of before I ship out on October 19th....It seems all the ones who I wanted to be excited and happy for me are the ones who were the least thrilled about it. Not that they didn't support me, but that the news wasn't that big to them. Maybe it's because I'm not actually going to be fighting, and they know that I probably won't really be in danger. I don't know. For some reason I don't really feel...cared about....lately. My sisters didn't really....do much while they were here....of course I didn't expect them to change....but...they didn't even seem happy, like, the whole time.
And then there's my ex...he doesn't even really acknowledge my existence anymore, even though we're SUPPOSED to be friends. Maybe people really shouldn't try to be friends with their exes...but I thought this would be different because of all our experiences and the time we'd been together. He used to give me a text every day, bidding me "Good morning" ....now....he won't text me at all unless I do it first...and...well....I almost never do because I hope that maybe he'll remember me.
His best friend is living with him at the moment, so that's who he gives all his time and attention to...and it's good that he does that...kinda.
But what about me? He doesn't seem to understand how he's making me feel...I don't want to take him away from his friend. I don't want to get in the way of anything he does, really. If anything I would want ALL of us to hang out, and ALL of us to have fun....but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I want to try and set up a plan to do anything fun, he crushes it....I'm beginning to think he's doing this on purpose.....I'm beginning to think that maybe he's too afraid to tell me what his true feelings are....wouldn't be the first time...I think he doesn't want to be friends. I think he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I think he wants to forget the whole 11 months 25 days he's known me and just move on with his life because he knows that I'm doing the same with mine. I can understand why he'd be afraid...but if he'd learned anything from the whole time we'd dated, he would know that he can be brutally honest with me about anything, because that's always what I did with him. I never hid anything from him, not anything that was important at least. I only kept things to myself that were really silly and not worth repeating, or just biting back an unnecessary comment. I have such a sharp tongue, and I'm teaching myself to control it. Any mean thing that I do not say should be appreciated. Anyway...I really want to talk to him....I want him to confirm, once and for all, how he feels. If he were to read this he would probably be thinking, "I've tried!" or something of that nature....but he should remember how much I don't trust him....I have no reason to....I mean...everything he told me before was a lie....maybe not intentional, but a lie, nonetheless. He realized his true feelings...which was good for him, bad for me. But it took him forever....I have no reason to doubt that it would be the same concerning our friendship, and whether or not he really wants it. He might feel he does now, but that could change.
Sometimes when I actually bother to think about the beginning stages of our break up, I think that maybe everyone is supposed to experience heartbreak that was caused by someone they were in love with. I did it to someone, he did it to me, someone did it to him....several did it to my dad....everyone probably does go through that....but it's really hard when you experience it at a young age because then there's the chance that you'll never trust anyone again and miss out on a good thing. I'm happy that's not the case with me, because I'm not so easily defeated. I'm not sure what it would take to really make it so that I didn't bounce back, but I hope I never cross paths with it...
I wish I didn't still love him...I feel weak....not physically but mentally and emotionally. Last time he was here I sat really close to him and rested my head on his shoulder....I....didn't really want to let him know (even without saying anything) that I still love him.....I want him to think that I'm a carefree bachelorette who doesn't need him. Ha ha ha. I kinda am, though. Lolz. But I still need him....or at least...I need his driving. Ha ha ha! (That's a joke that's funny because it's true, but I don't mean it quite so harshly. I'm not using him, it's just something he has that I don't, and it enables me to see a close friend of mine).
I wish I didn't need that either. I wish I could drive and had a car. Then I wouldn't need to bother him with my desire to see Cyclops. I don't want him to feel used.
I want to ask him if he and his friend will go to the mall with me soon. I have money that I set aside just for a mall trip...
But I'm almost positive what the answer will be....just another excuse to avoid and or get out of it....He's really hurting me....I just want to know if he has any intention of remaining my friend. He doesn't seem to notice how he's coming across to me....I know that he doesn't have any obligation to me, but that's not what this is about. This is about him realizing that he promised me that we would stay friends, and is NOT doing anything to uphold that promise. Since his friend has been around, he has only seen me...like...3 times:

1. The day his friend arrived and he picked me up from work.
2. The day he agreed (somewhat reluctantly, I might add) to watch a movie with me before I went to work.
3. Yesterday? Or Sunday or something, when he dropped by to meet my sisters as promised. But that was only for, like, 5 minutes.

All the time in between those three events, he has been avoiding me like I'm the plague. It's unfair! I just want some of his time! I wouldn't ask him every freaking day to come hang out with me! I know he wants to just be with his friend every waking moment, and that's fine with me because it would be the same with me if my best friend were here....but even if she were, I would still want to include him in some of my activities....now I feel like I shouldn't even bother texting him with stuff I want to do....I don't know...we'll see...I have to go though... 

I Wish I Kept Up With This Thing More

There really isn't much going on. I mean, there's a lot that I wish I could say, but due to the lack of privacy...I don't want it to be private from everyone just...some people.
I talked with an Army Recruiter today. I spoke with him a bit on the phone yesterday...I thought...he was going to be black...because of how he spoke...but he turned out to be white. Lolz. He tripped over his words a lot. Maybe I dolled myself up too much today...Ha ha ha! Just kidding. I wore what I would wear on a typical day...all black.
Anyway apparently in the Army, as opposed to all the other branches, you get to CHOOSE your own job. So I, undoubtedly, would choose to go in the culinary field. I'm actually really starting to consider joining the Army, now.
But of course I have to talk it over with some people. Dang it...I don't really want to join the military, but just how many options do I have?
Anyway, life is good here...I can't wait to get my first paycheck. Not that I've made much only working about 6 or 7 days or something.
Speaking of money...what bank should I entrust with my money?
I'll talk to Daddy about that one. I have to be careful I don't waste it all, too. Ha ha ha. I'm sure I won't.
I'm even saving up money in my piggy bank. Although it's not a piggy. I wish it were. It's actually an ugly, fat squirrel advertising Skippy peanut butter. I want a damn pig. I'll get one...I'll get one.
I have a bunch of change stored in it, and two one-dollar bills. I'm going to start saving all my cash register overages. All the registers are supposed to contain exactly $150, no more, no less. If it's more you get to keep it. If it's less you have to find a way to replace it and pay it back. So far, when I've been under, it's only by a few cents, so I can pay it back, or get someone to help. Oh. I should go do laundry.

I FOUND A JOB!

I'll be working at Sonic, now!
Everybody thought I was going to be a carhop, and would be on rollerskates while delivering food to the customers.
No...that's not the only position available....I'm going to be working the drive thru, and, if they cross-train me, fixing up fountain drinks as well.
I can't wait to see how many familiar faces show up.
I already have one guaranteed customer in my Bakeshop class. His name is Al...short for Aloyious...he doesn't like his full first name, though.
I only happened to see it by chance when someone handed him back a graded paper last year in my credit retrieval class...good times.
It's funny. I don't go out-out too often.
The best places to go are the movie theater and the card shop.
When I'm at the card shop alone or with a friend, I often see people who had been gone but are back again.
My dad always makes a joke saying, "It's the Fallon water that keeps people coming back" (even though everyone knows the water here is awful. I drank some just today...it tastes so weird that I don't even like drinking it anymore)
I've never liked drinking water...I like sweet things, especially drinks: soda, juice, sweet tea, milkshakes, etc. But water is just something I drink when there's no milk, or if I'm in a place where I can drink nothing but water and am in desperate need of something cold and refreshing.
But anyway, I'm super excited about this job. I hadn't wanted to work fast food, but Dad was really getting on my case about it, so I took what I could get...and this is what I got.
I shouldn't sound so unappreciative, I know. God blessed ME with this job above all others who applied for it (and believe me, there were MANY. I saw the stack of applications he had, and it would be enough to shoot down anyone's hopes), and for that...well I am wholly grateful.
I keep thinking of reasons they could fire me....I haven't started just yet (I was supposed to today at 4:30, but they canceled due to weather and said I would start training tomorrow at 4:30). I'm really hoping I don't slip up and give them grounds to fire me....wouldn't that be one of the absolute worst things to ever happen to someone? Getting fired from a fast food joint? With the way things are now, people don't even need resumes to get hired at fast food places! So if you got fired from one, and then tried filling out other applications with your work experience, employers would look at yours and think you had the worst work ethic imaginable!
But I'll do my best. I really will.

Two Wolves

TWO WOLVES


One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.



"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.



"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."



The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed"

Strange Dreaming 2

So last night's dream was also strange...

I dreamt that there was this man who lived in an apartment in what appeared to be New York City...I mean...it was kind of like the sort of places you see in movies where the poor people live...although his apartment was actually kind of nice inside.The man's name was George A. Shaw, and he was seemingly associated with a gang. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but at some point you see the man in his apartment rummaging through things frantically. He packed some suitcases and sped away in his car. No one ever said anything, but he was accused of killing his wife. He was apparently confused  with another George A. Shaw... Anyway, so you see the man driving through the streets aimlessly, trying to lay low. He goes to a club at about 5 in the evening. It's still a bit light outside. He goes in and comes out with a woman, telling her they need to get out of the city. It's his wife. They get in the car and go, but are followed by some strange guy...At some point George gets his ass kicked....A lot of the dream was very confusing, but was still related to the story...I just lost track of what was going on. Mostly I just like to sit back and watch. Seriously....every dream I've ever had that I can remember is so movie-like...I could just never make them into movies because most of them are hella weird. But anyway...that's what I can remember of my dream.

I April Fooled Myself...

Here's what happened:
I went to bed last night. I fell asleep. I had a dream.
In my dream, I was sitting in my room and was on the computer checking my email. One message immediately caught my interest: It was from Raley's ( I applied there in October, I believe). It was saying that I had been hired there. I immediately rushed to get Daddy and bring him in to tell him the news and show him the message and he congratulated me and we threw a big party. I remember seeing Uncle Ranger there. Oddly enough the house was dark and there were some guests playing the PS3 (it's gone now. Uncle Ranger got to have it). Anyway, strangely, the woman who sent me the email came to my house so she could chat with me and tell me all about the job duties. Then, when the party got too loud for her, she went home and started  texting me instead. I was to start work the next day. Then...I have this feeling of being deep in sleep, unable to be awoken by any sound...but then I heard it...this shrill, nagging noise...quiet at first but gradually getting louder. It was my alarm clock. I remember opening my eyes this morning and immediately thinking, "Shit...this means I don't really have a job."
It felt so REAL in the dream. It really did seem as though my job-hunting problems were finally over, and then all it takes is a quick dose of consciousness to send it down the drain. I DID laugh, however, at the realization that, in a way, I April Fooled myself. I hope everyone had a nice, prank-filled day.

Oh, Man. Been Awhile

Didn't mean not to write for awhile.
Nothing really special is  coming to mind that I can really tell you about.
I spend nearly every day with Brandon...he gives my life purpose.
I have a few concerns...like Dad's newest threat that if I don't find a job before I'm 18, he'll stop paying for my cell phone. (This is the first time I've ever dreaded the arrival of summer...so many securities in going to school, you know?) This may not seem like such a big deal to you, but to me, having a cell phone is extremely important. It's the number one way to keep in touch with my friends on the east coast...without that...well I have almost no doubt our friendship would fail...I will not allow that to happen....but I don't dare bring that up in front of Dad...he wouldn't show compassion or understanding at all...it sometimes seems to me that Dad is all about using his money on himself (and his new girlfriend). I'm understanding of that. Of course I am...but he doesn't have to make it seem like I'm just an obstacle on his financial course...I know he dreams of getting a Harley Davidson, and moving to a new and smaller place...and buying an RV...pretty much everything I get in the way of...I just...don't want to feel like a hindrance anymore...
If the chances of me getting a job were just a little bit higher, I wouldn't be worried....heck, perhaps Dad wouldn't have even made the threat.
I think it's a little unfair because even though Dad fully realizes the current national situation, he still expects me, someone with no work experience, to somehow rise up over every other qualified person and find a job...
He keeps saying I have no initiative, and even though I don't really think about it, I guess he's right.
It is hard, though. I mean...for the longest time, I have just come home from school and gotten on the computer or watched tv, snacked on stuff...do the occasional cleaning...really not much to my life at all.
And when I get out of school early on B days...well I just hardly know what to do with myself...I feel as though I should be out there in the town scouting out jobs, but another part of me has no idea where to go now or what to do.
I have a really good memory except with days and the specific lengths of the passage of time.
If something happened only two weeks ago, it'll feel like either shorter, or longer. If something significant happened on a certain day, depending on what it was, I will only remember the event and not the day.
It's quite frustrating, but I really can't do anything about it.
One fine example would be the time I applied for a job at Stockman's:

I filled in the application and turned it in. Receptionist told me that her boss was about to start doing interviews. We talked about checking in on my application. So I waited a week and checked back in on it. She updated it for me. Said that her boss was currently doing interviews and that I should wait to see if I was called. Only problem was, as time passed, even though I knew the day of the week it had been that I last checked on my application (Friday), I could not for the life of me remember how much time had passed since then. I kept trying to use the day I went to the concert (Feb. 12) as a refresher, but...something kept telling me that that wasn't the day I had gone...(hell, now I can't even remember what day it was then that I was trying to remember all that). But anyway, I guess it might have been somewhere around two weeks, but I figured that if the interviewer lady hadn't called me by then, she had either already found someone, or just wasn't even going to consider me...so I never went back.

But anyway, as I was saying...I really don't know where to look now. There are only so many places that a) I have access to without a vehicle and b) I'm willing to work. I'm going to try The Wok again...but I think they already have enough waitresses...gosh...I....I just want to be a busser or a waitress...as long as I'm working in a restaurant that doesn't serve friggin' fast food...that's all I want...Of course I'm willing to work jobs that have nothing to do with food. Money is money.
Babysitting, petsitting, yardwork, anything I can get my eager little hands on. I want to beat somebody to something for once...
Then I would be able to bring the good news to Daddy...but...he wouldn't be thrilled at all because it's what he expects...lately Dad is never thrilled about anything I say...I...don't feel important at all anymore. I feel more at home with Brandon's parents these days. Tammy always listens to me and responds the way I would hope for someone to respond.
Whenever I talk to Dad...tell him about my day...he's usually doing something else...no, he's ALWAYS doing something else. On the computer, fixing his lunch, walking around the house to find things...sometimes he'll even walk right out of the room even when I'm still trying to tell him something. I know he probably doesn't mean to, and I know that what I'm usually saying isn't even of much concern to him, but...I still deserve to be listened to. I don't see him enough as it is...I don't just want to be some ghost in his house who can eat his food and make use of his utilities.....
I would talk to him about this, but...I'm not quite sure what to say....and I'm even less sure of how he would respond.
Sure, I'd like to think that he would apologize and give me a hug and promise to try and fit me into his life more, but on the other hand he could just make some sort of excuse that I'd be unable to argue with...
Gosh...I can't friggin' see past my tears...

Anyway, another concern of mine is that when I find a job, I'll undoubtedly have less time to spend with Brandon, and this will affect us in a negative way...although I'd love to be able to pay for things on my own while he could just buy stuff for him. Did you know he's actually bought me things that DAD should have bought me (clothes, hair products, breakfast food, even cosmetics)? I wish I could pay him back every penny of the money he's spent on me...I'm pretty sure it's well over $1000 dollars, now...he doesn't seem to mind it at all, and that really bothers me. I mean sure, he makes a lot of money, he saves a lot of money. But just think how much more he would have if it weren't for me?! He keeps telling me that even if he didn't spend it on me he would probably just spend it on himself, but that's okay! That's one of the reasons he went out and got a job in the first place! He can't possibly be in debt to himself! I on the other hand can! And when I get a job...well...I'd like to be able to buy all the things I desire, but...I won't let myself. All of it will be going into a savings account. I want to be independent. Lots of people remind me of my dependence upon other people...I hate it....I wish they could see how much I hate it....I'm ashamed of myself...selfish, kinda greedy...I hate how much of Brandon's money I've wasted on the most insignificant things: candy, cosmetics, snacks, little toys, silly books, etc. And I hate how he lets me....I try to put myself in his position...of course I would desire to spend money on the love of my life. Anything that would make him happy....but when part of me knows that it's better off being saved...I would show my unwillingness to use it so thoughtlessly. Not that I'm saying Brandon is stupid or thoughtless for indulging me, but...I wish he would think of himself and how it might affect him. I'll let him do what he wants, though. It's his money after all. And once I get my own job I won't need him to take care of me. He can have all his money to buy things for himself: a laptop?, that new computer/tv screen, many more months of WoW, all the books he loves, a new cell phone?, and anything else. I care about things like that.

Anyway...I guess that's all I really have.

Strange Dreaming 1

Yeah so I had this weird dream last night. Here's how it went:

The world was pretty much dark all around...the sky in my dream was always a dark blue with just a little bit of visible light on the horizon.
Strangely enough, it all seemed to be a very large building even though I swear to you we (me and all the people in my dream) were outside.
It was just like a mansion that didn't have any walls, but was still a house.
Oh I know what to compare it to! A dollhouse! Yes.
Picture an extremely large, dark dollhouse just randomly placed somewhere on the Earth...there was no grass, there wasn't even really dirt....just...floor or ground if you will, nice and smooth.
Obviously if the sun was seemingly gone, you could imagine that the earth was having a bad time all around.
In fact, that's an understatement.
Since all my dreams are random, they sometimes don't have a known storyline. I would be just as new to the story as anyone else. Anyway, it was just like a classic horror movie featuring...zombies.
I don't know how they came to be zombies, all I know is that they were cunning, vicious, extremely fast and agile, and...they could talk (but I didn't find that out until later).
So basically the whole world is in a panic; many people are doing their best to escape the Land of the Dollhouse (which is what I shall call it from this point on). Some did, others just got eaten.
I was pretty much on my own in the panic, but I was smart and lucky enough to hold my back and escape being eaten.
The majority of the dream was just carnage until it started coming to a close.
I remember that there was a phone call that I somehow managed to hear even though this guy (that looked just a tiny bit like Ben Affleck, just more business-like) in a suit was the one on the cell phone (yes, they had working cell phones even in all this turmoil).
Something about the conversation had to do with business, something that may have even had to do with all the zombies. I remember the guy on the other end giving the businessman instructions for how to escape, and I was determined to stalk him to possible safety.
After the phone call ended, that's when it got weird.
Apparently a zombie was watching us from some point higher than us because he jumped down behind the businessman and told him that he wasn't going anywhere (this is where I found out they could all talk).
They were just like...crazy humans that feasted on human flesh for some unknown reason.
All the zombies in the area (some were killed by regular people with guns...so there weren't as many) started running around everywhere...talking to people, yelling and laughing...They may have even been explaining themselves or maybe just mocking us regular people. All I know is that I didn't reach a desired conclusion before I woke up, but that was a cool dream, yo.

Razzles

Yes, I'm talking about the candy.
Sunday, Brandon and I went to the mall and went to all my favorite stores:

Claire's
Spencer's
Border's
Hot Topic

He bought me some Bubble gum Pop Rocks...surprisingly good, although he wouldn't try them.
And Razzles.
I chewed the Pop Rocks that night when we got home but I'm chewing the Razzles today.
I was thinking to myself that Razzles would be one of the worst candies on the face of the earth if they didn't turn into gum.
They're chalky and grainy and very unsatisfying as a candy, but when they turn into gum, they're wonderful.
I don't chew them all at once. I eat all the lemon ones first because I hate them and just want to get them out of the way.
Then the orange, then the purple, then the blue, then the red.
I ate them a little differently today, but still ended up eating the lemon ones first, along with some orange ones.
I spit out the first bit since it had lost it's flavor and I wasn't going to try and cram as much gum into my mouth as possible...makes my jaw hurt.
It was the strangest color...
The next bit, which was the rest of the orange, some purple, and one blue....looked like chocolate gum...I've actually had chocolate flavored gum. It wasn't the worst, but I shan't be chewing it again.
Ha ha...yeah...and the last bit was blue and red so, of course, it was a deep purple when I spit it out...
But yeah. I just wanted to speculate on that.

HaRdCoRe!

Oh my gosh, it was so EpIc!
I went to my first ever concert last night!
Up at the Knitting Factory in Reno my boyfriend and I went to see Taking Dawn, Adelita's Way, Halestorm, and Theory of a Deadman.
It was so hardcore.
I was trying to see how many people who went to my school were going to it too, but no one that I told was going.
But! I did see one girl from my Bakeshop class, Rachel.
She walked right in front of me, but she didn't notice me waving and saying Hi and she didn't hear me say her name.
But when I go back to school on Tuesday, I'll be sure to let her know I saw her.
I'm so happy, though.
I had the opportunity to go to my first concert...last summer in June or July, but there ended up being some  sort of money issue with Dad, and even though he fixed it before the concert, I still didn't even bother asking to go, mostly because he didn't offer.

So anyway...Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Anyone got any plans? I know I do.
I passed out some Valentines....I gave Kristina a bag of chocolate dipped fortune cookies, and for everyone else, I gave out little packets of Fun Dip.
I still have a lot left.
I mean, I had no intention of giving them to just anyone, but I also didn't expect to be left with so many.
I have no problem eating them, though. Yum.
Maybe I can hand more out to people at the card shop, though. Yeah. So I guess I'll save them for now.
Otherwise, I felt unpopular...no one got me anything.
Except Kristina. But she didn't bring the stuff yesterday, she said she wanted to give it to me today.
I hope I see her...but it's unlikely...or is it?
Ku ku ku...

Yeah...I do apologize for not writing sooner. I mean, I don't do much on the computer.
I go on Gaia, I sometimes play arcade games, but not often, I read manga online, I chat with my friends on MSN messenger, and I play Dragonica (although lately I haven't been doing that either...if I get a chance today, I will), and that's about it.
Sometimes I look at news that interests me...and I have a TON of things that I could research on the web, but am too lazy to....even when I'm actually on the computer, I only seem to do the stuff I want.
Oh, I also download music onto my iPod. Yeah.
I'll try to get back into blogging more often though. I wasn't intentionally not writing, I simply forgot. I'll just do my best to remember.
Sometimes it's hard, though, to make an entry worthy of reading.
I have such an easy, simple life right now, that it's almost boring.
Not to me, because I try to have fun with everything I do, and well, there are some things that I can't write here.
I suppose in further entries, I shall tell a little bit more about my past.
That might be interesting.

Ever Wish You Were A Kid Again?

Lately I've been thinking about the things I grew up with when I was little...my favorite little kids' song used to be one that went:

"There were ten in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over."
So they all rolled over and one fell out..."

I actually sang it at lunch today. Not the whole thing, just the part I typed.

I miss being able to play with toys...I was still playing with barbies when I was twelve, but that's because I was a loser and a loner.
I didn't like my stepmother very much, so I holed up in my room all the time.
I was very imaginative then, and still am to this day. If you gave me a set of barbies right now, there is no doubt I would be able to have some fun with them...even if it involved matches. *evil laugh*
No, but I'm just kidding. I miss my Beanie Babies most of all.
I mean, all of those were gifts...I didn't play with them, I mostly just held them because a lot of them are really soft.
Doris (my ex-stepmother), boxed them all up after I went with Ebby to live with Mom.
I haven't seen them since.
Yeah, but anyway...I've also been seeing people do those old Patty Cake hand songs....or whatever you call them.
I do miss being a kid sometimes, but I remember wishing that I couldn't wait to grow up.
My sister's are 3 years older than I am, and watching them grow up...well they were very popular and I kept thinking that my life would be a lot like theirs (minus certain details)...They made it look so easy and fun.

My life is easy and fun...but I do need to get my priorities straight.
I'm happy because there's a chance that I could get the job at Stockman's (which is the one I want most).
I'm praying hard for it; I just need to be faithful.
Interview's are next week, and I need to check in on my applications every so often (I'm thinking every 4-5 days).
So yeah...I do feel a little bit better.
I still need to work on driving, though.
I'm starting to give a lot more consideration to having my lovely boyfriend teach me. I wonder what that would be like.

Job Hunting...

Ooh, how exciting.
I went job hunting back in October with no luck. I only applied to six places:

1. Main Street Cafe
2. Courtyard Cafe
3. The Wok
4. Walgreen's
5. Raley's
6. GameStop

There are some places I can't work because I'm not 18, which sucks. I was going to apply at Blockbuster but couldn't because, well, I'm not 18. Apparently it has something to do with the R-rated movies they have.
Understandable in a way, because as an employee, I would be entitled to watch any movie in that store.
To me it's not really a big deal because I've been watching R-rated movies for years...but it's just a law thing.
Now I'm going to apply to:

1. Stockman's (the restaurant portion)
2. Subway
3. Port of Subs
4. Round Table Pizza
5. Pizza Hut
6. Safeway
7. Walmart
8. JD Slingers (the new steakhouse they replaced Heidi's with...they never should have done that)

And that's all I could really come up with.
But yesterday after school I did go and look around...unfortunately there are not many places to work on the right side of Auction road....
The only places I would be able to work on that side are:

1. Stockman's
2. Taco Bell
3. Sonic
4. ...Um...wait....that might be it.

Yeah...but on the other side...that's where all the potential action lies.
Please wish me luck, I really will need it.
After all, I'm not sure what Dad will do if I'm unable to find one.
He was telling me about one of his friends, Tiana (sp.?), who dropped out of the Navy and has been out of work for months.
She has work experience and is unable to find a job.
I have NO work experience and...am also unable to find a job...or was.
I still have a chance.

Gosh...I wish I knew how this happened to us, this recession thing.
I heard on the news quite a while back (over a year) that there were some people who "saw it coming"...they KNEW that this was going to happen at some point.
I mean, I don't keep up with world happenings or anything.
Usually when something happens, I'm one of the last to know about it.
That's because I just don't care....and why should I? I cannot help what happens in any way, and 99.9% of the time it doesn't affect me in any way.
So knowing about it is just...information gained.
Just today, someone I frequently talk to but have never met (don't worry, it's not like one of those Stranger Danger deals), was telling me about Plastic Beach, which is the new Gorillaz album coming out March 8th.
I didn't know about it at all.
Personally, I thought Gorillaz was through coming out with albums after D-Sides.
I didn't even hear about G-Sides, which came out BEFORE D-Sides did.
I only even heard about D-Sides because I saw it at Walmart and eventually bought it.
But yeah, I'm super excited about their new album. I'm a huge fan of Gorillaz.
But you wouldn't know it if I didn't tell you because I didn't even think to keep up with their upcoming albums. Lol.
I'm worried about how I'm going to get a hold of it though.
Or at least...be one of the FIRST to get a hold of it.
I found that there are A LOT of Gorillaz fans here in Fallon. I don't know who they are, but they are there.
I figured this out the hard way when I went to buy the D-Sides album. It was there the day I went to Walmart but couldn't buy it.
The VERY next day, when I actually had money, it was gone.
Someone had bought the last one in stock.
This happened to me TWICE!
It was so gay...but, eventually, I went to Walmart online and bought it. I got it in the mail.

Yeah...but that was an extreme tangent. Guess I'll go now.

Oh...I'm So Bored

Brandon wanted the day to himself today, which is understandable.
I just don't really know what to do now...Dad and Kandi (his new girlfriend's name) are watching Jackie Brown before she goes back to Fernley, so she'll only be here for a couple more hours.
They asked if I wanted to watch the movie with them, and I did, but I went on the computer to check my Gaia and then I just decided I might make a blog entry...mostly for my boyfriend because I know he likes to read it, but since I have more readers than just him now, it's not like I can just talk to him freely as though this were an email.
I wouldn't do that, anyway.
I suppose my plans for today (should Kristina forget to text me and ask if I want to hang out) will be:

Play computer game
Read book
Play GameBoy Advance

And that's it.
I'm a little sad with the new semester...I have a 1A-B now, which means I won't get to sleep in an hour longer anymore...
And no doubt there are going to be several freshmen in that class.
I don't have a problem with freshmen, but in the kitchen, they never seem to take anything seriously.
Cooking class is NOT the place to fool around...(It's actually Bake-Shop, but that's where the other cooking classes are, too).

...Hmm...
OOH!
For all my readers with a sense of humor out there, click on this (if you can, if not, just copy and paste it into your URL bar):

http://nedroid.com/2009/05/party-cat-full-series/

and let the laughter begin.
Anyway, I'm going to play my game now.

Ha ha ha, That Nag...

My boyfriend fussed at me and said I need to write in my blog more.
Even though I mentioned earlier that I would definitely NOT be able to make this an everyday thing.
I guess I have something that's worthy of mention now, though.
This week was the week of final exams for all my classes.
The only one I'm worried about is my Professional Cooking 2 final.
I had to have my team members help me, and they were both in Pro 1...
Time was not on our side yesterday...
I managed to maintain 100% for the entire semester, but bombing this final could definitlely be a blighting factor on my overall grade.
I'm going to look on the bright side, though, because Mrs. Van Patten knows how much this class means to me, and given all my hard work plus the extra credit I did working in the restaurant more than I needed to...I'll probably still come out on top.
Everything else was fine.
But today at lunch...it seemed everyone had their second semester schedules BUT ME...I swear.
I was sitting next to black Johnny and white Johnny (they're back together AGAIN...It's not going to last) and white Johnny showed black Johnny his schedule, and then it just seemed that everyone else around me had their schedules out! It was trippy.
So now I'm worrying that one of my teachers neglected to give me one even though I didn't see anyone else get one. Not from my class, anyway.
Wait a minute...don't I have my old one in my backpack?
*goes and checks*
No, I don't.
Darn...I know what classes I have, I just don't know in what order.
I'm sure I'll figure it out before...wait...does second semester start Monday?
If so, then I could have a 1A-B class that I would end up late for if I treated it like any other day!
Why didn't I get a schedule from one of my teachers?!
Perhaps if I call a friend...

Speaking of friends, Dad seems to have made a new lady-friend.
He was telling me about her before he went off to work.
He even showed me her picture. She's pretty. And Daddy said she was good for him.
She's his age (46) and she has two kids but they're both grown up and (I'm assuming) out of the house.
He found her on Match.com, and told me that her husband died...last year? Yeah, last year, and that she would have been married to him for the rest of her life had he not died...she'd been married to him for 28 years. (She got married at 18.) That's sad to hear, but I'm glad that she's choosing not to live the rest of her life in lonliness by refusing to remarry.
I know that remarriage (after becoming either a widow or a widower) can be a touchy subject for a lot of people.
I know that when you lose your life partner...your soul mate, even...you lose the light of your life, and it would be hard to even think about getting remarried...but you would be so lonely without someone else to fill that gaping hole that is left in place of your deceased spouse.
It's not fun...some people even die shortly after their spouses because of the heartbreak.
When I marry Brandon, I don't want to think of either of us dying, but I certainly won't tell him that he couldn't remarry if I died first. Sometimes you just...need someone.
You don't need to compare them to what you used to have, either. They would be just as good a companion, and you should give them the same amount of love you had for your previous husband or wife.
I mean, I can also understand why someone would be against it...you might have a sense of betrayal or guilt to your dead spouse...that if you remarried you would somehow be going against them in some way, or making them seem unimportant or replaced.
But you know, they're dead. I believe that their soul lives on in the afterlife, and whether they were in Heaven or Hell, I know that they would always love you, always miss you, and never forget you. I don't think they would be offended by your decision at all.
Plus, if you knew in your heart that you weren't trying to replace them, it wouldn't be a bad thing.
And think about it: if you died and were watching over your spouse from the heavens, and you saw how lonely and distraught they were, wouldn't you want someone to...rescue them? Seeing as you wouldn't be able to, and all...
I would...but I guess it's just up to you. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind or anything, just sharing my opinion.
But anyway, Dad is going to meet her on Saturday. I always like it when he meets new women to see if they'll make a suitable girlfriend...I just wish he'd find one who's exactly what he's looking for.
Wish him luck, won't you?

Try As I May...

...There is simply no way I can blog every day...
...Well, that's kind of a lie, but true for the most part.
Not everyday do I have something even worth getting on the computer to type up.
I suppose it doesn't matter...I mean, I could come here and just type about my day, but if nothing spectacular happened, who would want to read it?
Well, over the weekend I went on my first double date with my friend Kristina and her boyfriend.
We went to the skating rink and my boyfriend looked as though he was having more trouble skating than I was (which is not to say I'm a bad skater. I just wobbled a bit. And I fell a couple times. But both times it was Kristina's fault).
He says next time he's going to bring roller blades.
Anyway there were a few junior high kids in there as well as some little kids...they all skated so well.
There was a 4 year old on roller blades just dashing around the floor and the rink like she was born to skate...and there were a couple junior high boys who skated (on roller blades) like professionals.
One of the boys was DANCING while he skated...I was so jealous.
I want to be able to skate like them, but truthfully, I'm not willing enough to put the time, effort, and money into learning to do what they do.
Not because I'm just that lazy, but because it's not a TRULY useful skill.
I mean sure, if you got even better than you already were, and some guy took notice of you and entered you into some professional skating thing, it would be useful...but it's not so much a skill as it is a talent...people can make money off talents, but what about having a skill that could benefit you in something different?
Even if I made millions of dollars by being a professional skater, I'm smart enough that I would realize my life was missing several things.
It's never good to only be able to do one thing exceptionally well...or rather I should say it would be BETTER to know how to do several things equally well than just one thing exceptionally well.
I heard that in a quote, I think, or from a book, but I can't remember exactly how it goes or who it's by...
AnYwAy!
I had a really fun time.
It was cool, too, because as soon as we pulled up and I got out of the car, I found a gold dollar coin!
It's dirty, though, so I'm going to clean it.
Then I'm going to save it...yeah...it'll be worth more in the future.

Sometimes I think about the things I'll be leaving behind when I die.
Not to be morbid or anything, but sometimes I daydream that if I were to die today, what would Daddy do with my stuff?
Would he sell as much of it as he could?
Would he put it in boxes and stow it away?
Perhaps that's a question I should ask him.
It's not weird. I can talk to my dad about ANYTHING, including sex and politics.
My dad's just the type of guy who doesn't make things awkward when he's having a conversation with his daughters. It's...well it's something in him that I find to be a continuous blessing.
But anyway...sometimes I wonder about dying in the future as an adult in my 20s or 30s.
If it were just me and my husband, and we both got in an accident and died, and we didn't have a will, how would they decide what gets done with the stuff?
Would whoever decides these things take it for themselves?
Give it to family members without a will?
Sometimes I picture a thief coming in and taking some of it...if we were dead, COULD someone just come into our house and claim what they wanted without penalty?
It's not stealing if we're dead, is it? I mean, I'm not talking about grave-robbing, but if all this stuff were sitting in our house and it was before the insurance people or whoever came in and dealt with it, could people take it?
I can't say I would mind if they did. I'd be dead. I couldn't use it anymore.
But if I had a choice, it would go to my family.
Sometimes I get the feeling I should prepare a will just to have one.
How old do you need to be to prepare a will?
Do you keep your will around the house or give it to some company that deals with these things?
Do funeral homes hold on to people's wills for them?
Whenever you see a movie and you have a part where a character reads someone's will, it's not usually a member of their family, so who reads it?
So many questions...
Well it's not like my readers are going to answer these questions, so I'm going to do something else.

Damn Dog...

(I'm now going to type this is light blue, since I've had a complaint that my writing is hard to see. WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM HAD THE SETUP NOT BEEN CHANGED!)
But anyway...
Dad went on a 3-day work trip to San Diego...I left my door open because the cat was in my room and I can't just leave him in there or he might go to the bathroom.
Well...Today was trash day and I didn't take out my trash...
Asta got into it....
She also got under my bed and ate the majority of what was left of a bag of Dum Dum Pops...She must have eaten over 50 of them, I'm sure of it.
And she ate the marshmallow pop I got for Christmas from my bf's mom!
I don't like raw marshmallow, but I at least wanted to TRY the stupid thing! Just to see if I liked it!
I beat Asta again...more than I did with her last mistake...
She's not supposed to eat people food anymore, but she doesn't know that.
She DOES know that she's not supposed to go through trash, though.
And now I remember why I close my door EVERY DAY whenever I'm gone. I don't care if Dad is there or not.
I put her outside too...I didn't realize that the gate was open.
But luckily, Great Grandma came to drop off another box of food and I saw her hanging around the car.
I wondered how she got there, and then I realized.
So now she's back in and I'm worried that with all the candy, paper, and plastic she ate, she's going to have digestive problems.

But school was otherwise fine. I was happy to see all my friends again.
I didn't get my class work for English done, lol. Sometimes sitting with my table-mates can be very distracting.
Especially with Cheyenne...She talks SO much. I mean, her stories are all very interesting, but that only makes them harder NOT to listen to.
So I only got half my work done.
Fortunately, Ms. Nuttall is one of those nice lady-teachers who gives her students more time to finish whatever work they didn't complete. It's awesome.
It's hard to type, though. My fingers are very cold. I'm gonna read, maybe take a nap.

I'm Not One For New Year's Resolutions...

Aww....where's my purple font color?!
Well anyway...I was a little upset last night because my bf kept getting texts from his friends wishing him a happy new year and I only got ONE from my ex-stepmother.
I thought about texting her back and asking her why she didn't wish me a Merry Christmas, but I don't really care...
And then Brandon gets one from MY BEST FRIEND, and I don't even get one from MY BEST FRIEND! How fucked up is that!
But it's okay. I'm not gonna freak out about it.
But anyway, what are your New Year's Resolutions, should you be the kind of person who makes them?
If I were the type of person to make resolutions, this would be my list:

1. Call best friend more often
2. Eat less sugary stuff
3. Text/call family in VA more often
4. Worry less about the future
5. Do what little homework I get the first day it's assigned/ procrastinate less

...And that's it. I don't need to lose weight because I'm not fat. I don't need to quit smoking because I don't smoke. I don't need to cut back on red meat or whatever the most popular resolution trends are these days because they really just don't apply to me.
But with the list, the first one would be because she actually asked me to call her more.
The second one is because I eat so much candy and so many sweet foods, it's a little ridiculous.
The third one is because I really don't keep in touch with them as often as I should. It's exasperating in a way because they don't make much of an effort to keep in touch with me either.
The fourth one is because I really do worry too much...I could make myself sick if I'm not careful.
And the fifth one is just an all around good thing to do.
Yep...but, I'm just not a resolutions kinda gal.
Hey, um...if there's anything you'd like me to write about, don't be afraid to make a request.
I'm kind of trying to keep this blog interesting for all the people I hope will read it someday.
This website is a little strange...I wish it was set up in a different way so that you could access other people blog's according to their content.
...Maybe they do and I just haven't realized.... O___O ...that would be embarrassing, huh?
But yeah...I was looking at some of the Blogs of Note...I found this one by Bad Ass Geek which I subscribed to...I wish there were a simpler way to do that, though...(long story).
I looked at some other ones, too...they were all pretty cool, but...I kinda want to find some blogs of people who are closer to my age...
Maybe teenagers just aren't into blogging at their age...Lol...you would think otherwise.
I don't know, I'm still a noob.
Perhaps I'll figure it out more as I go along.